A skill Lincoln had that we've lost
Trying to gain insight, and advantage, from dealing with those who differ.
Differ We Must will be published shortly, on October 3, and these posts must make apparent how eager I am to share it with you. Others can judge if I did any justice to the material—but the material is an epic American story that feels relevant today. It tells Lincoln’s life story through his meetings with people who disagreed with him.
You can order it now from your local bookstore, or find the hardcover, ebook or audio book at this link.
The podcaster and comedian Pete Dominick read this book and said, "I thought I would be reading a history book, but it's as much a self-help [book], and enlightening in how to have healthy conversations, debates, and get what you want in the long run." He told his audience that Lincoln’s approach to people is influencing his own approach to people who differ with him on politics—or even people in his family.
Today The Atlantic has published an excerpt of Differ We Must. It tells the story of his meeting with Frederick Douglass, who had escaped from slavery before the Civil War, and felt that Lincoln was very slow to end slavery once the war began.
Most of the excerpt is behind The Atlantic paywall. Those of us who are able to subscribe know The Atlantic is constantly worth the cost; and for everyone else I’ll drop a brief quote here that gets to the heart of Lincoln’s leadership style as he helped to build support against slavery.
At each step, he tried to build coalitions with people who disagreed with him. Many thought he was backward, others found him radical, and still others had different perspectives based on their experiences and lives. I studied 16 of Lincoln’s face-to-face meetings with people who differed with him, and learned that his skill in managing these differences was vital to his success.
Some of us have lost patience with that skill—or even hold it in contempt—because we misunderstand it. Right-wing figures deem talking with the other side a sign of weakness and betrayal; people on the left call it naive and morally wrong. “Changing minds” is considered almost impossible in our angry and fragmented society.
These assertions miss the point of Lincoln’s achievement. It’s not that he greatly changed his critics’ beliefs, nor that they greatly changed his. Rather, he learned how to make his beliefs actionable. He started his career in the minority party and set out to make a majority. He perceived a social problem so vast that it seemed impossible to address, and slowly found ways to address it. Through it all, he refused to surrender his bedrock beliefs, and finally led a coalition of the majority in the Civil War against a minority who tried to break up the country.
You may continue reading at this link.
Thanks again for reading Differ We Must. One way or another, I hope you find your way into the pages of this book and let me know how it speaks to you today. I hope you’ll keep following these posts, where I’ll offer my own observations about our divided past and present.